Love, Grows in Marriage 真爱，在夫妻关系的门拱中高速成长
政治学家研究辨认出，一般而言，夫妻关系最少要经历一系列的最少四个期。每个期都给予他们独有的自学和高速成长的机会，还有祝贺。当然，其中鲜有考验和艰险。Social scientists have observed that marriages typically move through a series of at least four stages. Each stage presents unique learning opportunities and blessings, along with challenges and obstacles.
——慢板
一、【Stage One – Romance, Passion and Promise第一期——唯美，青春活力，允诺】In the beginning of a relationship partners often communicate effortlessly and at length. They seem to intuit each other’s needs and wishes and go out of their way to please and surprise each other. Couples begin to develop a strong sense of “we.”
在几段夫妻关系关系末期，母女们经常能轻而易举地进行最大限度的沟通交流。她们能直接交互旁人的心愿和市场需求，也会罔顾他们的体会尽全力讨好旁人，让旁人精采。她们之间逐渐建立起“他们”的强烈觉悟，综观所有期，此期母女的性格差别是最轻的，几乎能忽视。
Inpidual differences are minimized, if noticed at all; partners are very accepting. Joy, excitement, happiness and hope abound.
母女在那个期很偏激于旁人的一切。她们彼此之间充满着欢乐、激动、美好和期望。
Partners present and elicit their best selves. Life seems promising. It is a time of sharing dreams and romance. This is a time to be remembered and cherished.
母女们单厢选择展现出她们最好的那另一面给旁人。日常生活似乎朝气蓬勃和发展前景。这是彼此之间撷取心愿和唯美的期。这是值得珍视和珍视的期。
二、【Stage Two – Settling down and Realization第二期——淡定和认知】The high energy and intensity of Stage One inevitably give way to the ordinary and routine.
第一期的热忱和青春活力无可避免地将接踵而至的日常生活小事所忘却。
Ideally, in Stage Two couples learn to deepen their communication skills. They work to understand and express their wants, needs, and feelings.
在平庸的情况下，在第二期，母女偏激于加强她们的沟通交流基本功。她们要自学慢慢地认知和抒发她们真正的市场需求、感觉和期望。
They learn to be honest and vulnerable and to listen actively to each other.
她们要自学诚恳，要愿意展现出他们虚弱的另一面给旁人，还要多聆听旁人的意见。
They become aware of differences not noticed previously and develop strategies for dealing with them. Couples learn about give and take, negotiation and accommodation.
她们会辨认出一些之前没有察觉到的差别，并利用适度的策略回去处理因差别造成的影响。双方在那个期自学如何牺牲和接受、商议和让步。
三、【Stage Three – Rebellion and Power Struggles第三期——反叛和行政权反叛】Spouses cannot always live up to each other’s expectations. They will disappoint and unintentionally hurt each other.
母女关系中没有人每当满足旁人的盼望。不知不觉间，她们会使旁人沮丧，甚至危害到旁人。
They now become intensely aware of their differences and may use control strategies to bring back the desired balance.
在这期，她们强烈地觉悟到两人之间的差别，并期望能控制局势，让日常生活回到以前平庸的平衡状态。
Power struggles are common. Blame, judgment, criticism and defensiveness are likely outcomes.
行政权反叛是很常见的；指责，批评，挑剔，防御，是最有可能的结果。
Fear and anxiety enter the relationship. Couples’ thinking can narrow into right/wrong, good/bad polarities.
夫妻关系关系混进了恐惧和担忧，母女的思想很可能会缩窄到对/错，好/坏两个极端。
Ideally, couples learn about forgiveness and accommodation in this stage. They learn to deal constructively with anger and hurt. A supportive community becomes especially important.
平庸的情况下，在此期，母女会在体谅和适应中高速成长。支撑性的社群变得尤为重要（即亲戚好友要帮助母女维持夫妻关系，给予支撑性的建议，让争吵中的母女变得和谐）。
四、【Stage Four – Discovery, Reconciliation, and Beginning Again第四期——辨认出，调解，重新开始】Couples can push through the previous stage through deepened communication, honesty and trust.
母女能跳过第三期这道坎，但需要加深彼此之间的沟通交流，诚恳和信任。
Ideally, they discover and create a new sense of connection. They learn more about each other’s strengths and vulnerabilities.
在平庸的情况下，她们会探寻并创造出一种新的维系夫妻关系的方式。
They learn to identify and talk about their fears instead of acting them out. They refuse to judge or blame their partner; they translate their complaints into requests for change.
她们学会要了解更多旁人的长处和弱点。她们学会试图说出她们心中的恐惧，而不是直接表现在行动上以致危害旁人。她们不再批评或指责旁人，而将旁人的抱怨视为让他们变得更好的要求。
Partners see each other in a new light, as gifted and flawed, just as they themselves are gifted and flawed. Empathy and compassion increase. They learn to appreciate and respect each other in new ways; they learn not to take each other for granted.
母女用一种新的眼光看待旁人，就如同他们本身有优点也有缺点，旁人也亦然。因此，她们对旁人的同情感和怜悯感增加了。她们学会以一种新的方法去赞美和尊重旁人，不再认为对他们好是旁人的义务。
They find a new balance of separateness and togetherness, independence and intimacy. A new hope and energy return to the relationship.
她们辨认出了一种在分开和共处之间，独立和亲密之间的平衡。夫妻关系关系重新注入新的期望和力量。
五、【Additional Challenges and Stages其他考验和期】Many couples will encounter additional life cycle stages. Just like marriage, creating a family will face many challenges.
很多母女会遇到其他期。如同夫妻关系，建立一个家庭会面对很多考验。
It is another opportunity to learn about cooperation and becoming a team, about dealing with differences and conflicts, and about taking time to pause and choose.
这给予母女另一个高速成长的机会，自学如何成为一个团队，分工合作；处理日常生活上的矛盾和争执；留出时间去思考未来的路，并进行抉择。
Parenting is a spiritual journey that involves not only the growth of the children but the growth of the parents. Like marriage, it will have many opportunities to surrender and die to self, to let go and to grieve.
成为父母是一个心灵上新的旅程，期间不断发育高速成长的不仅有孩子，而且父母也会壮大她们的力量，思想更加成熟。如同夫妻关系，成为父母也要很大牺牲，要懂取舍和放弃。
Other life cycle challenges include illness, unemployment and other financial crises, retirement, and the death of one’s partner. Many couples must take care of the older generation while letting go of the younger one.
母女会遇到的其他考验还包括疾病，失业或其他经济危机，退休和另一半的离世。有时候，母女还要面对白头人送黑头人的情况。
Growth throughout the marital journey requires openness and flexibility. Faith requires trust and surrender. Even if we cannot see the entire road and where it will end, we need to have clarity to take the next few steps.
在夫妻关系的旅程中，真爱的高速成长需要诚恳和适应。信念需要信任和退让来维持。尽管他们未必能遇见前方的道路，也不知何处是美好的彼岸，他们仍然需要清晰的指导，引领未来的日常生活。